Week #3: Gendered Power and Violence

In chapter 12, Wood examines different types of forms of gender violence and how communication can sustain and normalize violence. She also tells us how women are at a higher risk to experience gender violence then men are.

One recent event that occurred to my friends and I is something I will never forget. We decided to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Atlantic City; there was about 7 girls. Once we checked into our rooms we got ready to go to a club the “birthday girl” wanted to go to. We all looked very nice, we weren’t too flashy or provoking, but we were dressed to party (if you saw us you would know we were going out to a club). None of us had ever been to the club she picked, but since that’s what she wanted to do, we all went for it. Once we got to the club, I instantly got a bad vibe from the place. The club was on the boardwalk, but a little far away from the casinos. Once I had that feeling I told my friends that we needed to leave and I didn’t want to be there anymore, one or two girls agreed- but once we told the birthday girl she was not trying to hear it, she was just having too much fun and she didn’t want to go- so we stayed. Well to make her happy we all decided to make the best of it and tried to have some fun. We all began drinking and always stayed around each other, we would dance but either by ourselves or with each other, nothing provoking we just wanted to stay with each other, of course being that we were all dressed nice (because everyone in the club wasn’t dressed as nice as us) and we’re 7 pretty girls, so we stood out. I remember guys trying to get our numbers or get us to dance, but we would just leave them alone. Well one guy didn’t like NO for an answer. My friend was just dancing and a guy approached her and came off strong with his pick up lines, he begin to brag about how much money he has and how he would take care of her, she told him she was not interested and that’s when something inside him snapped, he began asking her if she was gay (which she was, but that was none of his business), which she answered yes too, and he went off calling her a “bitch, a dyke, etc.” she didn’t want problems so she tried to turn away to avoid him, well that was a big mistake because once she turned her back on him, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her down to the floor, and his friend threw a bottle that ending up hitting me on the chest. Without thinking I ran after this guy, security grabbed him and I ran outside to see how my friend was doing, of course she was shocked and very upset. The first thing I did was look for the nearest cop (since cops are always driving around A.C) the cop approached us and we gave him our story. I never in my life felt hatred toward men and cops the way I did that night. These cops basically did not care, they told us that we should have known what we we’re getting ourselves into coming to the club and that because they didn’t see that man put his hands on my friend they couldn’t arrest him or anything. The only thing we could do was press charges. When we told the cops we were not from the area, they still didn’t care they came up with another indirect remark about us looking for this. In the end, we pressed charges and it’s been a little over a month and we have not heard anything back about our case.

Do I look at men differently yes of course I do, now more than ever. I don’t think all men are alike that, but what kind of man thinks its okay to put his hands on a woman? Was my friend’s reaction so powerful that it hurt his pride and ego and that’s why he acted in such a violent way? Why did the cops treat us like that, don’t we as women have rights? I have so many questions about that night; I’m still in shocked about how a man can go so insane because a woman doesn’t give him what he wants. After this event, I do not like going out to clubs, I avoid situations like this and I don’t have the same respect for cops like I once did. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Week #2: Proximity & Personal Space

While reading Chapter 6, the section about Proximity and Personal Space caught my attention. “Proxemics refers to space and our use of it. Space is primary means through which cultures express values and shape patterns of interaction (pg145).” My family and I are of Latin decent and spending time and sharing space among each other is very important. When we there was a birthday, graduation, some was expecting a child, anything that gave us a reason to be together as one, we took advantage off. Latin families are known for always sharing their space with one another. I remember growing up, I was always around my family, my uncles, aunts, cousins, grandmothers etc. My parents told me family is all you have and we never turn our backs on them. Even when we came to the United States we continue to follow the Latin cultural. We all would get together as much as we can. Our tradition is once you are married and have your own home you allow your parents, and even some relative live with you. For example, my aunt and grandmother live with my parents, my brother and I. Since I have become accustom to the American way of living, I like having my own space, don’t get me wrong I love spending time with the family but I couldn’t see my parents living with my husband and I when that time comes.
“Proxemics offers keen insight into the relative power and status according to various groups in society (pg145)”. Being from a Latin decent, the man always had to sit at the head of the table and he was the first one to get served. When it was dinner time for us, my father always sat at the head of the table, and his food was served before anyone else’s. My dad also had a spot on the couch. I remember the first time I sat on the couch, in his spot, he came towards me, with a mean face and in Spanish told me that was his spot and I need it to move and of course I listened (I had to). From then on whenever I sat in his spot and he was ready to sit there I wouldn’t wait for him to walk over to me I just knew that I had to move. It’s kind of funny, because when my relatives come over they all know not to sit in his spot.

WEEK 1 Class Business

This is my first year attending Rider University and my first time taking a course about gender studies. I never imaged how much gender studies had in relation with sex chromosomes, society, cultural, communication and media. I am very curious to learn more about gender studies and how it’s a part of your everyday life. While reading the text I came across Psychodynamic Theories of Gender Development that caught my attention. When I was growing up I never identified with my mother I always tagged alone wherever my father went. He would go and play sports and I too would go. I developed a like for sports, wrestling, tree climbing, playing video games, and doing whatever the boys did. Even though I started to like what most boys at that aged liked I still knew I was a lady and had to act like one. My mother always made sure I behaved like a lady no matter who was around me. However, when mom was not around I bonded with the guys. Don’t get me wrong I love dressing like a girl and loved barbies. I just always found myself clicking more with the guys then with the girls. Now that I’m 24 years old, I see myself being closer to my mother more than I ever was. I do more girlie stuff with her now; go shopping, get spa treatments, get our hair and makeup done etc. , but yet I still love sports, I just no longer need to feel like one of the guys. However, I still feel I am more like my father and go to him first for advice.

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