In chapter 12, Wood examines different types of forms of gender violence and how communication can sustain and normalize violence. She also tells us how women are at a higher risk to experience gender violence then men are.
One recent event that occurred to my friends and I is something I will never forget. We decided to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Atlantic City; there was about 7 girls. Once we checked into our rooms we got ready to go to a club the “birthday girl” wanted to go to. We all looked very nice, we weren’t too flashy or provoking, but we were dressed to party (if you saw us you would know we were going out to a club). None of us had ever been to the club she picked, but since that’s what she wanted to do, we all went for it. Once we got to the club, I instantly got a bad vibe from the place. The club was on the boardwalk, but a little far away from the casinos. Once I had that feeling I told my friends that we needed to leave and I didn’t want to be there anymore, one or two girls agreed- but once we told the birthday girl she was not trying to hear it, she was just having too much fun and she didn’t want to go- so we stayed. Well to make her happy we all decided to make the best of it and tried to have some fun. We all began drinking and always stayed around each other, we would dance but either by ourselves or with each other, nothing provoking we just wanted to stay with each other, of course being that we were all dressed nice (because everyone in the club wasn’t dressed as nice as us) and we’re 7 pretty girls, so we stood out. I remember guys trying to get our numbers or get us to dance, but we would just leave them alone. Well one guy didn’t like NO for an answer. My friend was just dancing and a guy approached her and came off strong with his pick up lines, he begin to brag about how much money he has and how he would take care of her, she told him she was not interested and that’s when something inside him snapped, he began asking her if she was gay (which she was, but that was none of his business), which she answered yes too, and he went off calling her a “bitch, a dyke, etc.” she didn’t want problems so she tried to turn away to avoid him, well that was a big mistake because once she turned her back on him, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her down to the floor, and his friend threw a bottle that ending up hitting me on the chest. Without thinking I ran after this guy, security grabbed him and I ran outside to see how my friend was doing, of course she was shocked and very upset. The first thing I did was look for the nearest cop (since cops are always driving around A.C) the cop approached us and we gave him our story. I never in my life felt hatred toward men and cops the way I did that night. These cops basically did not care, they told us that we should have known what we we’re getting ourselves into coming to the club and that because they didn’t see that man put his hands on my friend they couldn’t arrest him or anything. The only thing we could do was press charges. When we told the cops we were not from the area, they still didn’t care they came up with another indirect remark about us looking for this. In the end, we pressed charges and it’s been a little over a month and we have not heard anything back about our case.
Do I look at men differently yes of course I do, now more than ever. I don’t think all men are alike that, but what kind of man thinks its okay to put his hands on a woman? Was my friend’s reaction so powerful that it hurt his pride and ego and that’s why he acted in such a violent way? Why did the cops treat us like that, don’t we as women have rights? I have so many questions about that night; I’m still in shocked about how a man can go so insane because a woman doesn’t give him what he wants. After this event, I do not like going out to clubs, I avoid situations like this and I don’t have the same respect for cops like I once did. Am I wrong to feel this way?
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8 comments:
Johanna,
That post was so personal it must have brought back so many emotions while you were writing it. Wow. First off it is never okay for a man to put his hands on a female and vice versa no matter what the situation or problem is. When reading your post I thought about gender intimidation. Right when your friend rejected this "idiot" he obviously had poor self-esteem and couldn't take no for an answer. So the only way for him to feel better about himself was to rip apart your friend. Which is just so horrible and so demeaning. I also understand that you feel hatred for those men and the cops that night it is only natural. However, it is not fair to hold that image of men an cops to what happened that night. Not everyone acts that way and it will probably just take some time to let that anger go.
Thanks Jenai. Yes while written what happened did bring back a lot of emotions, but I wanted to share with everyone how women are at high risk of violence. What also made me write about this was reading the conversation Wood illustrates in Ch12 pg 291. How you’re a victim of a crime, but yet are still questioned about why you became a victim, (like you did it to yourself or you were asking for it). Yes you’re right I shouldn’t judge all men and authorities the same because of this incident, but I do look at some differently. For example if I ever go out with a group of girls again, I would always look at men and automatically judge them. I honestly, do not think I will ever go out to a social place if my brother, boyfriend, father or a close male friend of mine is not there.
This must have been a difficult post for you! I don't understand how in the day and age the cop would respond to your need in such a way. What a horrible experience. I ignorantly thought we had gone past the decade where women were seen as the temptress and unless they were home with a husband they got what they deserved.
Johanna, thanks for sharing that post with us. I agree with Jenai, that was very personal and I am quite sure it brought back emotions...as Wood says in chapter 12, it's painful to bring up topics like this. I never believed a man had the right to place his hands on any female. Who and what gives them the authority to do so? I must say, I am such a scaredy cat...I never want to go anywhere because I am so afraid of things like that happeneing...Ok so I'm Corny...i just went to a club the first time at age 25 last year...thats so bad for some one my age...everybody tells me i should be partying my life away...lol but I have no desire to do so. I occasionally go out to a lounge or something, but mostly out for drinks with my closest friends or my boyfriend because I am so afraid of what could "possibly" happen. I also can't believe the cops acted that way toward you, I told my boyfriend about it and he is a state trooper, and he was so shocked!! I always hear storied from him about domestic dispute calls he goes to...and most of the time the men end up with a restraining order against them and it's this big long thing. Thank god you and your friends are all ok though and made it away safely.
Shonte, thank you for your comment. Yes what happened to my friends and I is something I never wish upon anyone.. I wanted to share this with everyone so women are aware of the dangers we face. Yes I was shocked that the cops acted in that way as well, I always thought the cops arrested people for domestic violence even if they did not witness it. I understand how you feel about being scared, you’re not corny your just very cautions and that’s great. Yes I’ve heard people tell me party your life away, life’s to short, but I believe there are other ways of having fun and not putting yourself in any dangerous situations. I have been going out to clubs since I was 15 years old and now that I’m 24 I’m not so into it and especially after that incident I doubt I will ever go out “clubbing” again. Now more than ever I’m aware of my surroundings and I learned to always follow my instincts no matter what.
JohannaG said...
Tricia I completely understand what you are talking about and I can relate to it, just as other women could too. I’m 24 years old and because I don’t look like the “average, ideal” 24 year should look I become very self conscious about myself. I know people say beauty isn’t always everything, but when you have the media telling you and showing you otherwise, it becomes hard for us to except who we really are. I have always dealt with issues about my height and still do, I’m 4’ 10” and I can’t do certain things because I’m not the height they are looking for. I always wanted to be a model or an actress, but because all throughout my life people critized me for my height I never went for it. Now that I’m a little older I have learn to deal with my height and accept that I’m “short, petite” , but I still find myself wishing I was a little bit taller. I guess with the media always illustrating how individuals should look, we will never be happy with how we look, we always want to be better.
Response to Jenai Blog:
Great Post Jenai. I am 100% in agreement with you about how the media objectifies women. Beauty isn’t always everything, but yet I still find myself getting drawn into those stereotypes of how a woman should look. For example: I want to have a flat stomach like the girls on Victoria Secret swimsuit catalogue, so I work out and eat less. I even sometimes look in the mirror and question how I look and how I can change it. I love fashion, so I am guilty of wanting to look good with name brand clothes, shoes, make-up, etc. I do agree, men should look at us for who we are not how we should look like, but because men are drawn into the media of what a “normal” girl should look like, we find ourselves portraying that look so they can like us. I think the media illustrates a negative message to a lot of young adults. They think that because they do not fit the “normal” features of today’s woman/man, they have to change their appearance, and characteristic. I believe that’s why plastic surgery is so popular for younger and older generations.
Frightening story! It took be a long time to listen to my "gut" in certain situations, as your was originally telling you earlier in the evening. I think the post can relate back to our discussion board posts two weeks ago about filthy words and gender name calling. I think that we feed into gender stereotypes when we enter these clubs and combine it with each person's frame of reference, so confusing mix messages can occur. The situation can dictate the communication too. How do you think that our class in gender communication could empower you the next time? And, we discuss a lot different genders but, no two people are the same whatever their gender. I wish some men had replied to this post.
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