Final Post: Media and Kids

Growing up I always told myself that I would get married have 2-5 kids and live in a big house and live happily ever after. While reality hit and I know accomplishing that in today’s society is easier said than done. I’ve seen how kids have changed over time and how kids are so affected by what the media illustrated for their gender. I’m 24 years old and I honestly have my doubts about having kids. It seems that generations are getting worse and worse. Kids are more into gangs, violence, materialistic things, being pregnant at a young age etc. Don’t get me wrong not all kids are like this, but it scares me that my kid will go to school or associate with someone who has those bad insists in mind. Its gotten to the point where parents now have to worry about kids being safe at schools and even at people homes who you think you can trust. You have video games that are violent, like Grand Theft Auto, (anyone has seen this game knows what I’m referring to) its rated M for Mature, but yet I see kids 10-17 years old playing this game. The video game is basically about a man who is contracted to kill people, the more he kills the better his woretrobe, car, home, and ladies, become. They even show graphic images when he kills someone and picks up prostitutes. These kids playing this game think it’s the “coolest” game ever .I have my 13 year old cousin who plays that game and he picks up on some of the language being used and even thinks it cool how he kills and upgrades his image. I know all media is not bad and sends out a wrong message, but it seems that kids react more to the negative messages then to the positive ones. For instance we have commercials about not smoking, drunk driving, gun violence and drug abuse, but yet none of these commercial impact children the way commercial about new video games or new toy does. I honestly feel at times that I’m afraid to fail as a parent and not be able to control my kid when they are faced with these issues and peer pressure, therefore I honestly think I do not want kids. The question I keep asking myself is am I really willing to let these stereotypes and media portrayals ruin my dream of ever becoming a mother?....

Week #6: Business Post

Growing up I was always taught that same-sex was prohibit and not “normal”. I was also taught that being of Christian faith I was to have no relationship or associate with “people” like that. My culture background impacted a lot of the ways I looked at people growing up, but as times and society changed so did my cultural beliefs. It wasn’t till after high school that I started to accept same-sex relationship. It never really bothered me, but just didn’t think it was right or never really understood it. I feel that a lot of people who grow up thinking that same-sex or even sex change is a “sin” never really got the opportunity to understand exactly why this occurs or interact with transgendered. I have a gay friend and her and her family are Jehovah Witness, she came out and told her parents that was gay and her parents we’re furious telling her she was confused and even put her in Jehovah witness group to help her overcome that “sin”. Her parents are okay with other people being gay, or her having gay friends. Her parents even feel that if that person is happy by being in a relationship with the same-sex then so be it, as long as it's not their daughter. My friend has a hard time coping with this issue, she knows she’s gay and one day wants to get married and adopt or even have kids with her girlfriend, but the fact that her parents are so opposed by it she doesn’t know what to do. It’s gotten to the point where she’s never happy, and always having to lie to her parents about whom she’s dating or where she’s going.

Although society has changed the way we look at genders, some people still have their old ways of looking at them.. Will it ever be a time where gays are accept by everyone? Will my friend’s parents ever accept that their daughter is happy being gay? I no longer judge gays, nor look at them differently; they are still the same human beings. I personally see nothing wrong with gay marriages; I hope one day all 50 states can legalize gay marriages. I don’t see how gay marriages affect everyone else’s life? I don’t get it.

Week 5: Women and Men’s movement

After reading chapter 3 and 4 it really opened my eyes and interest to some of these gender movements. I wish people were more aware and participated in some of these movements. For instance you do not necessary have to go out and “march”, but at wok, or at home, where ever you are, you can demonstrated this movements. Take the example given in our text pg 97 Wood talks about one of her male friends talking to several colleagues about his firm and how the thought of women getting paid less then men for the same lever position is unfair. He used his voice and credibility to persuade others. In chapter 3 it illustrates the different movements women have, but for very movement there seems to be segregation towards others (lesbians, upper class, white, black etc.). Why segregate, when we, as women are fighting for the same cause? Why not come together and “stand”- represent as one for all those issues. Why should lesbians be separated by heterosexual woman, aren’t we fighting the same issues, why should their sexuality preference stop us from coming together? “Moderate feminist fear that accepting lesbians into the movement would stigmatize feminism” (Wood pg75).

Another point that grabbed my attention is that women have been fighting for equal rights/equal opportunity for many decades, yet when we have a chance to vote and make a woman president we all don’t agree. Wore we not ready for a woman to take stand and represent all women who have been fighting for this chance? Did some of us think a woman couldn’t handle it? Or did once again man “over power” us? Or did men think that because a woman was going to be head of the country they felt “threaten” by the idea that now women would really take away their “manhood” or “leader” positions? “Targeting feminism as responsible for the loss of masculinity, they claim that “men have been wimpified. They’ve been emasculated” (Gross, 1990, p130) (Wood pg104)

Week #4: Gendered Modes of Expressing Affection

In chapter 9, Wood talks about gendered modes of expressing affection. “The masculine mode of expressing affection is primarily instrumental and activity focused, whereas the feminine mode is more emotionally expressive and talk focused” (Julia T. Woods pg 221).I believe this statement she made is true, but not for every men or women. In my past I was in a relationship where the guy I was dating didn’t like to express his feelings toward me or about anything. He was basically “cold”. The reason why he may have acted like this would fall under the first two chapters of the text; where Wood explains that a man could act “tough” because of this expectation and surrounding when he was growing up.

Through my experience with relationships, I have learned that some guys have too much pride to express their feelings; however, some men do know how to act on them. “Generally, men are more likely to express caring by doing things for and with their partner” (Wood pg 221). I find it interesting that men are better at expressing their feelings through actions instead of words. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and at the beginning of my relationship we use to talk on the phone for hours, but now that we’ve passed the “getting to know you better” phase he rather go out to dinner, see a movie, or do something together. I do not mind going out and doing things together, but there are times where I just want to talk. When I get the chance to talk the conversation is short, because he’ll reply with a short answer. For example: I would ask him how his day was and his response would be it’s the same or fine. When he asks me the same questions I respond with well this happened and what do you think I should do about this… and so on and 9 our 10 times he will respond with a short and quick answer that makes me think he not listening or doesn’t care. On the other hand, when we do see each other he’ll bring me flowers, or take me out just so I can stop thinking about my issues. I’ve learned that even though my boyfriend doesn’t like to talk much, he shows his affection and that he cares by his actions.

Week #3: Gendered Power and Violence

In chapter 12, Wood examines different types of forms of gender violence and how communication can sustain and normalize violence. She also tells us how women are at a higher risk to experience gender violence then men are.

One recent event that occurred to my friends and I is something I will never forget. We decided to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Atlantic City; there was about 7 girls. Once we checked into our rooms we got ready to go to a club the “birthday girl” wanted to go to. We all looked very nice, we weren’t too flashy or provoking, but we were dressed to party (if you saw us you would know we were going out to a club). None of us had ever been to the club she picked, but since that’s what she wanted to do, we all went for it. Once we got to the club, I instantly got a bad vibe from the place. The club was on the boardwalk, but a little far away from the casinos. Once I had that feeling I told my friends that we needed to leave and I didn’t want to be there anymore, one or two girls agreed- but once we told the birthday girl she was not trying to hear it, she was just having too much fun and she didn’t want to go- so we stayed. Well to make her happy we all decided to make the best of it and tried to have some fun. We all began drinking and always stayed around each other, we would dance but either by ourselves or with each other, nothing provoking we just wanted to stay with each other, of course being that we were all dressed nice (because everyone in the club wasn’t dressed as nice as us) and we’re 7 pretty girls, so we stood out. I remember guys trying to get our numbers or get us to dance, but we would just leave them alone. Well one guy didn’t like NO for an answer. My friend was just dancing and a guy approached her and came off strong with his pick up lines, he begin to brag about how much money he has and how he would take care of her, she told him she was not interested and that’s when something inside him snapped, he began asking her if she was gay (which she was, but that was none of his business), which she answered yes too, and he went off calling her a “bitch, a dyke, etc.” she didn’t want problems so she tried to turn away to avoid him, well that was a big mistake because once she turned her back on him, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her down to the floor, and his friend threw a bottle that ending up hitting me on the chest. Without thinking I ran after this guy, security grabbed him and I ran outside to see how my friend was doing, of course she was shocked and very upset. The first thing I did was look for the nearest cop (since cops are always driving around A.C) the cop approached us and we gave him our story. I never in my life felt hatred toward men and cops the way I did that night. These cops basically did not care, they told us that we should have known what we we’re getting ourselves into coming to the club and that because they didn’t see that man put his hands on my friend they couldn’t arrest him or anything. The only thing we could do was press charges. When we told the cops we were not from the area, they still didn’t care they came up with another indirect remark about us looking for this. In the end, we pressed charges and it’s been a little over a month and we have not heard anything back about our case.

Do I look at men differently yes of course I do, now more than ever. I don’t think all men are alike that, but what kind of man thinks its okay to put his hands on a woman? Was my friend’s reaction so powerful that it hurt his pride and ego and that’s why he acted in such a violent way? Why did the cops treat us like that, don’t we as women have rights? I have so many questions about that night; I’m still in shocked about how a man can go so insane because a woman doesn’t give him what he wants. After this event, I do not like going out to clubs, I avoid situations like this and I don’t have the same respect for cops like I once did. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Week #2: Proximity & Personal Space

While reading Chapter 6, the section about Proximity and Personal Space caught my attention. “Proxemics refers to space and our use of it. Space is primary means through which cultures express values and shape patterns of interaction (pg145).” My family and I are of Latin decent and spending time and sharing space among each other is very important. When we there was a birthday, graduation, some was expecting a child, anything that gave us a reason to be together as one, we took advantage off. Latin families are known for always sharing their space with one another. I remember growing up, I was always around my family, my uncles, aunts, cousins, grandmothers etc. My parents told me family is all you have and we never turn our backs on them. Even when we came to the United States we continue to follow the Latin cultural. We all would get together as much as we can. Our tradition is once you are married and have your own home you allow your parents, and even some relative live with you. For example, my aunt and grandmother live with my parents, my brother and I. Since I have become accustom to the American way of living, I like having my own space, don’t get me wrong I love spending time with the family but I couldn’t see my parents living with my husband and I when that time comes.
“Proxemics offers keen insight into the relative power and status according to various groups in society (pg145)”. Being from a Latin decent, the man always had to sit at the head of the table and he was the first one to get served. When it was dinner time for us, my father always sat at the head of the table, and his food was served before anyone else’s. My dad also had a spot on the couch. I remember the first time I sat on the couch, in his spot, he came towards me, with a mean face and in Spanish told me that was his spot and I need it to move and of course I listened (I had to). From then on whenever I sat in his spot and he was ready to sit there I wouldn’t wait for him to walk over to me I just knew that I had to move. It’s kind of funny, because when my relatives come over they all know not to sit in his spot.

WEEK 1 Class Business

This is my first year attending Rider University and my first time taking a course about gender studies. I never imaged how much gender studies had in relation with sex chromosomes, society, cultural, communication and media. I am very curious to learn more about gender studies and how it’s a part of your everyday life. While reading the text I came across Psychodynamic Theories of Gender Development that caught my attention. When I was growing up I never identified with my mother I always tagged alone wherever my father went. He would go and play sports and I too would go. I developed a like for sports, wrestling, tree climbing, playing video games, and doing whatever the boys did. Even though I started to like what most boys at that aged liked I still knew I was a lady and had to act like one. My mother always made sure I behaved like a lady no matter who was around me. However, when mom was not around I bonded with the guys. Don’t get me wrong I love dressing like a girl and loved barbies. I just always found myself clicking more with the guys then with the girls. Now that I’m 24 years old, I see myself being closer to my mother more than I ever was. I do more girlie stuff with her now; go shopping, get spa treatments, get our hair and makeup done etc. , but yet I still love sports, I just no longer need to feel like one of the guys. However, I still feel I am more like my father and go to him first for advice.

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