In chapter 9, Wood talks about gendered modes of expressing affection. “The masculine mode of expressing affection is primarily instrumental and activity focused, whereas the feminine mode is more emotionally expressive and talk focused” (Julia T. Woods pg 221).I believe this statement she made is true, but not for every men or women. In my past I was in a relationship where the guy I was dating didn’t like to express his feelings toward me or about anything. He was basically “cold”. The reason why he may have acted like this would fall under the first two chapters of the text; where Wood explains that a man could act “tough” because of this expectation and surrounding when he was growing up.
Through my experience with relationships, I have learned that some guys have too much pride to express their feelings; however, some men do know how to act on them. “Generally, men are more likely to express caring by doing things for and with their partner” (Wood pg 221). I find it interesting that men are better at expressing their feelings through actions instead of words. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and at the beginning of my relationship we use to talk on the phone for hours, but now that we’ve passed the “getting to know you better” phase he rather go out to dinner, see a movie, or do something together. I do not mind going out and doing things together, but there are times where I just want to talk. When I get the chance to talk the conversation is short, because he’ll reply with a short answer. For example: I would ask him how his day was and his response would be it’s the same or fine. When he asks me the same questions I respond with well this happened and what do you think I should do about this… and so on and 9 our 10 times he will respond with a short and quick answer that makes me think he not listening or doesn’t care. On the other hand, when we do see each other he’ll bring me flowers, or take me out just so I can stop thinking about my issues. I’ve learned that even though my boyfriend doesn’t like to talk much, he shows his affection and that he cares by his actions.
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8 comments:
Johanna...
I can totally relate to this. I've been with my boyfriend for five years and in the beginning we talked forever! Now, I barely get a phone call. Everything is all about texting these days! LOL! But I can understand how they want to act "tough" and "strong", but after being with him for five years, I've gotten to see the "weak" side of him when he lets his guard down. He defiantly shows me how he feels when we are together even though he doesn’t express it too much in words. I can truly relate!
Jennifer..
Thanks for the comment. Yes its all about texting in these days. I find it easier for me to express my feelings through text then talking about it. I’m a very emotional and sensitive person and if I express myself to my boyfriend about the issues I have, I start tearing up so I feel its better I just text him LOL. I diffidently know what you mean about guys letting their guards down. I’ve experienced it with my boyfriend too, I actually like that they can feel free to show us their true emotions without being afraid of how we may react towards them. I always thought it took a “real” man to cry.
I definitely agree with both of you guys!!! I can relate to a relationship that begins with consistent phone conversation on a daily basis. I guess thats just the getting to know one another phase. And then the relationship evolves into seeing one another more and less talking on the phone. I agree with you Johanna, that talking on the phone daily should be persistent and shouldn't decrease simply because you can learn about one another on a day-to-day basis as well or just learn something new everyday.
Response to Daphne6/5:
Daphne. I understand the situation you went through and I’ve experienced with a friend of mine as well. All we could really do at that moment is understand and be there for him. I always thought it took a “real” man to cry or show emotion. I think because men grow up with the expectations that they are not suppose to cry and if they did, they are called “sissy” pushes them from showing any emotion towards anyone.
Response to Prof M 6/6:
Great post Prof. M. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I completely agree with you, I think that love, and having capability of bringing a child into a kind, loving environment with people who know exactly how to demonstrate that should be the agencies 1st things they look for. If people who are either gay, straight, single, married whatever their status may be, are loving and compassionate people and only want to provide for and love a child I do not see anything wrong with them being able to adopt. Like Rachel said being gay does not change a person so why should anyone judge because of someone’s sexual preference? There are so many innocent children out there, who need a home and parent(s) to show them love, but because people (adoption agencies) are judging others those children are left waiting till the agency find their “perfect-normal” parents. So I ask this question: Are they (adoption agencies) really thinking about the child’s well being or are they going by what society has planted in our minds that a child should only be with heterosexual couples?
-Johanna
Response to Caebri 6/6:
Caebri, I can diffidently relate to what you said about Feminine Friendships. I too have a handful of good friends and each one I can to talk to about different things. I love it. The fact that I can talk to one about my relationship, the other about school/work and the other about my finances is great. However, the only problem I have with feminine friendship is that I still cannot express myself 100%. I mean in friendships we all tend to come to a point where we get angry at each other and you talk it out and express ourselves, but if you feel some type of jealousy or maybe a little bit on envy towards you good friend I cannot see myself telling her that I feel that way. I believe a good friend should never feel jealousy or envy and I admit it’s a human trait we all do at one point. For example: my girlfriend got engaged with her boyfriend of 2 years and her ring was nice, and I truly was very happy for her, but at the same time I felt a little jealous that she got engaged before me. I never told her how I felt and I never would, I just wanted to show her I was happy for her and I didn’t want to show her I was jealous or make her feel bad so I put my jealous feeling aside.
-Johanna
Johanna: I definitely know what you are talking about when you say men have too much pride to discuss their feelings. I have had experiences where I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend about certain things and all his answers were so short ended. As women, we tend to express our feelings more and we tend to get closer to one another my communicating...not men. Then I notice that when I do want to discuss serious things with my boyfriend, he thinks I'm arguing or starting something...MEN...can't llive with them, and can't live without them.
shonte
So. basically you are all making the text's point here with illustrating gender communication patterns of dialogue. Women connect through talk and men through actions.
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